This year, we are publishing several print and digital articles about caregivers, each with different backgrounds and the challenges they face. This is one of those stories. 

Donna Nemeth
Department of Florida, Unit 10
58 years old
Caregiver for father, Stephen
 
“I always knew I would be his caregiver,” Donna Nemeth said about her father, Stephen, a World War II veteran and member of The American Legion. “My mother died when I was 16. I cared for her too. She had cancer.” 
 
Nemeth never wanted to send Stephen to a nursing home, so she knew from the beginning that she would be taking care of him. 
 
Stephen continued to drive up until 92 years old and was still living on his own. Nemeth helped with banking, grocery shopping, and various other tasks. For the last five years, Stephen has been living with Nemeth, who made a few changes at her house to help him — she re-did her bathrooms and sold her truck to get a car that would be easier for him to get in and out of. 
 
Both had to transition to sharing a home together again. 
 
“Personality wise, sometimes we clash,” Nemeth said, laughing. “I like to go out. When I go out, he gets worried and asks what time I’ll be back and says, ‘You will always be my daughter.’” 
 
In addition to her caregiving duties, Nemeth still works full-time with a hybrid schedule. On her in-office days, her Auxiliary unit president comes in and sits with Stephen during the day. Nemeth places a cooler next to him with food and water so he can easily grab it throughout the day, as his mobility is limited. 
 
“It’s very difficult for me to watch my father slowly going downhill and not being able to do anything about it, to the point where he can’t get out of bed without assistance,” she said with a heavy voice. “I don’t get as good of a night’s sleep — he calls out to help him go to the bathroom. Emotionally, it’s draining on me. It feels like I have two full-time jobs.” 
 
Nemeth gets respite time here and there when her siblings take over duties. 
 
“It’s huge,” she said about that time away to clean her house, not worry, and do things for herself. “It makes a big difference. It takes about two days for my body to readjust.”
 
COVID of course made it more difficult to get help after she and others who could help her tested positive, which left Nemeth without a break for an extended period. 
 
“I had it for three days and my dad didn’t get it,” she recalled. “I felt angry — someone had to give me a break here. I took it out on him since he was the closest one here. There needs to be more options out there for how to give respite.”  
 
For others who may want to help caregivers in their ALA unit, Nemeth suggests simply visiting with the person getting cared for. Additionally, from her experience, a big piece of advice she has for caregivers is to have documents in place while the loved one is still in a good mindset — have a living will, do not resuscitate order (if applicable), and other important documents needed for end of life.

For instance, Stephen said he wants to be cremated and buried at sea — he loved his time in the U.S. Navy. Also, knowing if your loved one wants to go into assisted living, wants to be at home, wants to stay with family, etc., is important.  
 
Also, being that advocate for your loved one at doctor appointments is crucial as a caregiver.   
 
“You have to be very attuned to the person and their health,” she said. “You have to be the patient advocate. They can’t always speak for themselves or understand the lingo.”