American Gold Star Mothers focus on service after loss 
 
Mothers and family members who have suffered from loss are recognized annually on Gold Star Mother’s and Family’s Day, which falls on the last Sunday in September. This year, it will be Sept. 25. 
 

All gave some; some gave all. For American Gold Star Mothers, their children are always the latter. 
 
“My heart is shattered, and my life is destroyed,” said Sheila Mitchell-Murphy, American Gold Star Mother and American Legion Auxiliary member. “I struggle daily with wanting to live, but I know I must push through to continue telling the world about my son and to also bring awareness to Gold Star Mothers and families.”

American Gold Star Mothers are women whose son or daughter became missing in action, died while on active duty, or died as a result of such service. The organization was incorporated in 1929. A mission-compatible organization to the American Legion Auxiliary, these women are also eligible for ALA membership. 

Mitchell-Murphy can still remember the day her 17-year-old son, Etienne, brought home a consent form for enlistment. 
 
“I pleaded with him to please not enlist, but I knew that he was adamant about doing it and if I didn’t sign it, he would just do it once he turned 18,” she recalled. “So, with a heavy heart, I signed it. The smile on his face told me I had done the right thing. I had to support him, even though I had reservations.”
 
At 22 years old, Etienne accomplished his goal of being a U.S. Army Ranger. He was deployed to Syria. Five days later, he was in a fatal vehicle rollover in 2017. He is survived by his wife and two sons. 
 
“The life I once knew became a distant memory that I would never know again,” Mitchell-Murphy said. “I still can’t talk about him in the past tense.” 
 
Her Post 233 American Legion Family in Georgia have been so gracious to her and her husband in honoring their son. 
 
“Thank you for allowing me to be a part of an organization that truly cares about us,” she said. “It means the world to me.” 
 
Since 2011, the president of the United States has annually declared a day as Gold Star Mother’s and Family’s Day. Mitchell-Murphy and others would like to take that one step further, creating a federal holiday. If passed, the Gold Star Families Day Act would create an annual federal holiday on the last Monday in September to honor the families of those who lost their lives in the armed forces. 
 
Federal holidays like Memorial Day and Veterans Day are common knowledge, but many people do not know about Gold Star Mother’s and Family’s Day. If it would become a federal holiday, it would help get the word out about who Gold Star Mothers are, Mitchell-Murphy said. 
 
“We truly are the true causalities of war,” she said about Gold Star families. “People need to know that. Parents need to be loved on and recognized and have that day to recognize them.” 
 
Like Mitchell-Murphy, 2021-2022 American Gold Star Mothers National President and American Legion Auxiliary member Jo Maitland lives every day knowing her son, Spc. Richard Buckingham Hubbel III, made the ultimate sacrifice for his country. 
 
“He was funny,” she said. “He liked his job. He was loved by his comrades. He was respected by his superiors.”  
 
He died Dec. 3, 2002, at 22 years old. 
 
“Behind every fallen is a family,” Maitland said. “Every name on a wall, on a memorial — every name that is listed everywhere — has a mom and family. All the freedoms we hold dear are because of those who signed on the dotted line.”
 
The American Legion Family, as part of its founding values, is here for support in any way needed.  
 
“The idea of bringing Gold Star Mothers into the posts and into the Auxiliaries and into the Riders and Sons is a win-win situation,” Maitland said. “What we want, we can never have — we want our family member back. The only way we can work through that is through service, in my opinion. Service is what the Legion and the Auxiliary do successfully.” 
 
That service focus of the Family truly makes a difference for moms who are now facing a life they never wanted without their son or daughter. 
 
“When it comes to service work, that would be the last thing on their minds in the beginning stages of grief,” Maitland said. “The American Legion Auxiliary and Legion help because you have a purpose that is so aligned with ours that we go out and we serve, and we get through our grief. If it weren’t for the American Legion Auxiliary in my beginning stages which had a memorial service for my son, and with people there who helped me and put me to work, my grief journey would have been a lot different.” 
 
Being an Auxiliary member first, Maitland credits the ALA as playing an important role in her other organization. 
 
“If I didn’t have the knowledge of how the Auxiliary worked, I would not have been as capable as national president [of American Gold Star Mothers],” she said. “There are wonderful leaders in the Auxiliary.” 

There are approximately 1,100 moms who are part of American Gold Star Mothers Inc. The organization was named after the Gold Star Banner that families hung in their windows in honor of the deceased veteran. Service flags with a Blue Star are for each living member in the service. 

In recent years, applications for membership in American Gold Star Mothers have been primarily from mothers whose son or daughter died by suicide, related to their military service. No matter the reason why a mother is joining the organization under the eligibility criteria, other members are there to help honor and recognize that family member’s service to their country. 

“I miss him more than I could ever explain in a million years,” Mitchell-Murphy said about her son. “This is the worst thing a parent could ever go through. I have decided that until I do take my last breath, I must do my best to make sure he is never forgotten.” 

To learn more about American Gold Star Mothers Inc., visit www.goldstarmoms.com. 

By Sara Fowler, Staff Writer